Hope is the thing with feathers
And sings the tune
Without the words,
and never stops at all.
Yesterday Food: 1 meal. 1 meal at 3pm. 1 meal at 3pm that I know I shouldn't have eaten so late and so much. Luckily, I wasn't hungry after that. (I am still not hungry). Gyro Meat Salad that included the dressing and feta. 3 dolmas, 1 oz of anchovy dip, Handful of fries, cucumber sauce. 1 Kombucha tea. (975 for the whole thing and the whole day).
Weight Today: 202.8
A week from today the boys should be here. So all this time I am so concerned with shouldn't be a concern any longer. I feel I am stuck in "The Waiting Place." I am waiting for my acceptance letter from UT Arlington. I am waiting for the formal job offer. I am waiting to resign. I am waiting for Dallas, Yosemite, and Orlando. I am waiting to eat, to drink, for my Amazon Firestick to find a wifi connection. So much waiting.
Edit: I was just admitted to UT Arlington!
Yesterday I was not hungry. At all. Even when I attacked the food given to me. I ate cause I knew I needed to. I know not eating actually makes me hold on to weight longer. Even now it is 9am and I haven't eaten anything. I have had 3 sips of coffee with coconut creamer. In about an hour I will probably make one of the shakes. At 1 I will probably eat my salad. Probably is the operative word.
When my DH is here we make poor food choices. Alone, I do pretty well. I get irritated when he pushes stuff at me that I would eat on my own, but coming from him it makes me think he is an unhappy asshole. This is not the case. He is being supportive, and I use that support and guilt to break my diet. I mean I am still good about breaking my diet, but nevertheless it is the same outcome.
Today is kind of up in the air. My plan is to fix this stupid FireStick we bought, watch movies, and plan for school next year. Or at least brush up on all the things I am clueless on because this is some very advanced literature. I really wish they would call, hire me formally, and give me the book list of what I am supposed to teach so I can prepare.
One thing I am debating is this whole water thing. I drink water, but not a lot. So I am debating doing the water challenge with the gallon jug. Debating. I am not there yet, but I do remember the last time I dropped a bunch of weight I drank a lot of water. So maybe...fingers crossed.
The one doom this week: I need to go out a buy shorts and tank tops. I cannot hope to lose a crazy amount of weight in order to do this, and I need that stuff like yesterday. I have too much outdoor shit coming up where I don't need to be wearing jeans and cardigans in 95+heat. Flattering cool clothes is the goal. Have I mentioned I hate my tummy and thighs? Fuck those parts. Fuck them. Grr. We will see how this goes.
Congratulations on UT Arlington! Sounds like you're getting impatient with the rest of the things. Hang in there! You can do this! Accept the support and don't play the head trips on yourself. Don't think about how great you would look now, think about how great you are going to look a year from now. Imagine friends and family "ooo'ing and awww'ing" at you and saying " so proud of you" as your weight loss starts to show results. Give yourself a break. You just started.
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